


God forbade suicide

by AidenFeliCane



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Drama, Human AU, Implied Relationships, M/M, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:46:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27052147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AidenFeliCane/pseuds/AidenFeliCane
Summary: Antonio grips the cross and conjures a silent plea for god to forgive him and provide the strength that he needs in that moment."Perdona nuestras ofensas como también nosotros perdonamos a los que nos ofenden"
Relationships: Germany/North Italy (Hetalia), South Italy/Spain (Hetalia)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 12





	God forbade suicide

**Author's Note:**

> Most of the dialogue here is in spanish, but it's all prayers so bear with me, I could't help myself once I started writting spanish lol

Antonio has to remind himself that this is the only choice he has if he wants to keep Lovino safe from their grabbing hands, their tearing teeth. Away from the horrid pain that being eaten alive is. Finally save him from the fear that has been devouring him from the beginning.

The choice is made now, he can’t back down from his plan ‘cause he had already started and if he stops now he will never be able to be forgiven. This though scares him and he squeezes his hand on the rosary that he hides under his shirt. He grips the cross and conjures a silent plea for god to forgive him and provide the strength that he needs in that moment.

His eyes dart across the table, he starts counting “ _ Uno, dos, tres... cuatro _ ” Just, four. He needs five bullets. One for each of his friends and other for himself, but he wasted the fifth a week ago, usselesly shooting down one of the monsters that came too close to their refuge. There’s only four and he needs five!

“ _ Padre nuestro que estás en el cielo _ ” He starts praying grasping the rosary, counting the first bead “ _ santificado sea tu nombre _ ” He speaks so fast and in a whisper that barely any sound comes from his mouth, just fast gasps as he inhales every now and then between words.

This room is so spacious and feels empty. All furniture was moved to the lower floor, used either to block the doors or the windows. The echoes from his breath collide with the walls and reverb back to him over and over and he feels inside of a tiny box. The cream colored walls seem to close more and more in him as he prays a little louder, trying to wipe away the claustrofobia that he’s starting to feel.

Antonio looks around himself, moving into the next prayer “ _ Dios te salve, Maria, llena eres de gracia _ ” 

His eyes lock onto an old radio that was left gathering dust in the corner. It’s too small to be used in the first floor, also, Romeo had insisted they left it as it was ‘ _ Something to keep us sane during this lock down. It’s important to keep some entertainment around _ ’ He had said with puppy eyes that reminded him too much of Lovino as a child and convinced him to forget about it.

He’s grateful for keeping it, otherwise he’d have to hear.

“ _ Ruega señora por nosotros los pecadores _ ” A lump forms in his throat as the words cross his mouth. If he can’t find another bullet he’s damned forever.

With fear for the future he gets up from his chair and gathers the bullets, puts them in his pocket and goes for the radio. He picks through some discs and chooses one that they all could enjoy, turns the thing on and raises the volume enough to be heard across the whole floor. For better enjoyment he leaves the door open and gets out.

He opens the door right in front of the room he just exited. The space is as empty as the last one, no furniture around and in the center Romeo lays in a shet. He’s asleep, breathing slow and relaxed. He stirs a little but doesn’t move too much as his hands are tied behind his back as well as his legs.

A bit of light enters the room from the covered windows so Antonio walks in with confidence. His internal struggle gives him some room to breathe for the moment when he is capable of seeing the relaxed expression on Romeo’s face. Even tied up as he is he sleeps like a log and doesn’t react when he approaches.

Antonio smiles sadly, Romeo is too young 

“ _ El señor es contigo, bendita eres _ ” He counts the tenth bead as he charges his old gun. A small revolver which he used to keep under his pillow whenever he went to sleep and have come in handy to this day. It looked evil at the moment, an evil object that he loathed and never let go off. An evil object he pressed into Romeo 's head. “ _ Gloria al padre, al hijo y al espíritu santo _ ” He said as he shooted.

The small sound proceeding from the gun broke through his prayer and the music. It was a short explosion that made no more noise than a petard and yet it produced such a strondourus echo in his mind.

Taking a second breath he gets up and leaves, closing the door and avoiding to look at Romeo on the floor. He begins with his second round of prayers after kissing the cross from his rosary.

Next to the first door he opened, a short hallway extends, other three closed doors await him and he feels ready to forget about the matter. Sure he can’t, it was done and he already killed Romeo, whatever came next from that it wasn’t forgiveness.

He opens the next door and inside, unlike Romeo, he is received by the cold glare of Ludwig. He is tied harder than the kid and Antonio sees red marks and blood recently poured on his wrists. Ludwig has a gag and he makes struggling noises as he stirs and tries to get up when Antonio approaches, even so, his movement is still sluggish and weak.

Antonio can't take the time he gave Romeo, Ludwig is strong and he will free himself if he waits more. So he bites his lip and puts the gun to Ludwig's head. The latter stops moving and looks at him, fear overcoming his features at being in the receiving end of Antonio's gun.

A silent plea is seen through Ludwig's eyes and it almost makes Antonio recoil. He tries to keep his hand steady, the gun is hot and his hand sweaty, tremors run through his whole body and they reflect on his arm. It's hard to concentrate, more with Ludwig looking at him.

Somehow, Ludwig pushes the gag enough to utter a word. Antonio cries as he pulls the trigger before he finishes speaking and Ludwig falls dead on the floor before his feet with a tud. His last words repeat over and over on his head " _ Feli- _ !" Antonio feels truly sick. To think that the last of Ludwig was Feliciano.

Antonio falls to his knees and throws up on the floor. Only bile comes out and he spits some more at the taste. It's bitter on his tongue, terribly strong and it kind of burns his throat. "Shit, shit, shit, shit!"

The rosary hangs from his neck falling into his vomit, uncaring from that he grips the cross and almost yells "¡ _ Ruega señora por nosotros los pecadores! Ahora y en la hora de nuestra-... nuestra muerte" _ A breath is drawn in to stabilize himself. He can do it, two more and it's done.

Maybe a minute pases before he gets up. Not that he knew, the time doesn't really happen to him. It's like reality has gotten faster, as if he had just come down from a rollercoaster and the speed of his car is not enough so he keeps pressing his foot on the pedal. He's driving too fast and suddenly a child appears on the street, he doesn't hit him, but the rush of adrenaline refuses to leave even as he sees the child run away, almost as scared as he. Everything runs too fast to register it.

Next thing he knows he's standing in the next room, the one in front of the one where Ludwig is. Feliciano is sat and tied on an armchair, his head luls to the side lazily and his eyes look tired in his direction. Antonio sighs, he just wishes he can finnish all of this quickly, he can’t bear seeing Feliciano in this state, less when he starts crying seeing the gun in Antonio’s hand.

Antonio doesn’t really think about it, he just raises his hand and pulls the trigger. His strength leaves him seeing Feliciano’s head fall limp into his chest. He starts crying and he lets his tears fall freely, his voice comes in a whisper, strained and high pitched “ _ Dios te salve, Maria… llena eres, de gracia. ¡ _ Ay dios, Feli!… I’m sorry, I’m sorry”

He squeezes the gun and throws it away. He can’t help it. He can’t continue.

Letting himself fall flat on the ground, he grips his head and pulls his hair, overgrown and in need of cleaning. Romeo, Ludwig and Feliciano’s hair was in a similar state - _ Before he put a bullet in their heads that is _ \- no one of them had had a proper shower in days, let alone visiting a hairdresser or having the time to cut it themselves. Ludwig managed to look slick even with his unclean state, and the rest of them resolved with what they had.

Last year, Antonio thinks as he drags Ludwig’s body to rest beside Feliciano, they get together to hide in one of the italian brother’s houses as the strange outbreak of some kind of sickness spreaded around the world. They supposed it would pass, they expected it to not be too long, but it got worse and gave birth to angered cannibal glimpses of humans.

He had been so desperate for days as to what would be of them since it started, and in recent days he snaped which ended in him plotting the murder of all his friends and lover. He drugged and tied them up, he was now in his way to finnish his job, to shoot Lovino and finnish it all.

The last door was before him, inside Lovino sat on the floor and looked at him without an expression on his face, knowing what was about to happen and what Antonio had already done, he wanted to have it finished already.

Antonio held him to his chest, feeling Lovino crying onto him as he put the gun to the back of his head. He spoke, repent “Perdoname...” Lovino was gone the next moment, and Antonio was left alone to duel into what to do with himself.

Whichever, he left Lovino beside his brothers and left them alone.

“ _ Perdona nuestras ofensas como también nosotros perdonamos a los que nos ofenden _ ” He kept praying.


End file.
